How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
