soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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