Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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