have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
