Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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