Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize