Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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