fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
