My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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