Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
