hotel room ftw
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
