On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
