Someone shit on the floor
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
