I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
