Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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