Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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