She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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