GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
