my vag is so smooth its legendary
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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