then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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