i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
