So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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