his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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