Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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