I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
