I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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