I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
