Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
