i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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