I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
