Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
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