I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And then my night got REAL pukey
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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