Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
