Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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