You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
sex in a hospital.. check
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
