The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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