...so i touched it.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
