I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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