I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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