Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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