So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
third nipple confirmed
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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