All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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