He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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