so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
