Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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