Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
