he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
