at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
smell my finger.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
