I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
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I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
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Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.