This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Its about making memories worth repressing
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.