We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
