You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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