Nicole vs. Life
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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