What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
