Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
