In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
