oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
