She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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