I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
