You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
