u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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