im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
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His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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