youre lurking in front of me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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