Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
