dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
