At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
