Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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