I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
