Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
