cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize