your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
