Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize