I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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