Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
