Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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