He uses pillows to masturbate.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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