i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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