guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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